A successful off-season sees Shanghai Vikings stronger than ever

The Shanghai Vikings have been busy during the transfer window and completed some fan-pleasing deals ahead of the Season Opening Tournament in two weeks. 

Good riddance! 

Lambersten expresses his delight to sign with Division C side Sexy Vikings in early 2019. He left the club without registering a single goal, assist or completed pass.

In what has been hailed as perhaps the most successful deal in the club’s history, the Vikings managed to off-load Martin “Little Lambo” Lambersten from the squad after the player’s disappointing spell at the club. Although many fans had been calling for an exile of Little Lambo from the club ever since he arrived, dubbing him a “specialist in failure”, the Vikings appeared to give him many opportunities to prove himself. Coach Henrik shared in a statement that “unfortunately we ran out of options with little Lambo. Since he arrived from the feeder club in Beijing we tried to give him some playing time in the lowest division of Shanghai football, with the retirement-team Sexy Vikings, but they also benched him there. We hope that Lambo may take the time off now to do some soul-searching and find a new career away from the game of football.” 

Recent sightings on social media indicate that Lambersten has moved away from Shanghai all together. In a worrying sign, the Danish man-child was spotted offering cheap massages to expats on Khao San Road in Bangkok last week. A man familiar with the seedy underworld of Bangkok, Swedish playboy and Captain of the Shanghai Vikings Gustav Warfving, commented on Lambersten’s situation, “we hoped that this would not be the destiny of Little Lambo, but I can’t say that I’m surprised. We held brief talks with our affiliate club in the region, Bangkok Vikings, to accept him as a water boy during the hot summer months, but it seems his reputation has spread too far and he’s unwanted across all of Asia.” The Vikings will now look to distant themselves from Lamberstsen and apply stricter recruitment policies to prevent similar failures in the future. 

Latino flavours spice up the Vikings 

Following a positive trend of Latinos joining the Vikings dressing room in recent times, the club has seen a continued influx of players from the region into the team this summer. Fans (especially the females!) will welcome the return of Brazilian superstars Mika and Luiz after their successful run with the Brazilian national team in the World Cup. Both players had a crucial role in seeing off Scandinavia and Germany to reach the finals of the tournament. 

Mexican ladies-man and all-around nice guy, Alejandro Cuevas, is also set to return to the team for the 2019-2020 season. The Vikings will be expecting a big contribution from Alejandro on the pitch, but some players have expressed serious concerns about his Latino time management skills after he failed to show up for an important pre-season match against the Cosmos last weekend. SVPD Sheriff, Alex Andersson, commented that “this is truly a worrying trend in the Vikings culture. I shouldn’t say that it’s the Latinos who are to blame for the lack of professionalism in the team lately, but they are. Anyway, we’ve had some experience in the past working with the Nigerian Prince David, who is also known to consistently show up late for everything. I just hope that this attitude does not spread to influence our younger and more naive players, such as Hope.”

Alejandro greets a female admirer with a post-match salsa dance.

Vikings Management will continue to consolidate the squad ahead of the upcoming season and have promised to deliver a better performance than previous years. Without Lambersten in the mix, fans will be confident that the Vikings can deliver on their promise this year.

 

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Viking Cup

Beijing
April 13 - 16, 2017

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