On a rainy September day in Shanghai, the Vikings started their season. Being considered extreme underdogs, with bookmakers leaving them only a theoretical chance of getting even one point from the game, the world was up for a huge surprise.
During the summer break Shanghai Vikings had, as tradition dictates, invested heavily in the team and finally signed a Brazilian, which fans in general and especially Shanghai Vikings Ultras have been craving for years. The new darling, Bruno Chen, who has been found in the feeder club in Beijing, already showed his Brazilian tiki-taka skills within the first moment when he, in classical Ronaldinho-style, took the piss out of his opponents.
Another two signings from this summer are the slightly obese Swedish central midfielder Ustav “if I had your speed I would be professional” Warfving and Kristian “Yellow Card” Skjorshammer of whom Coach Henrik said: “They are very different. Kristian will hurt the opponent as much as a bike crash on the mountains, which according to rumour also gave birth to him. At the other side we have the Swedish princess who falls as easy as an erection after witnessing George’s back hair.”
The first half was a struggling affair for the newly promoted Vikings, but a hard fight by the defence kept the aggressive Reunited players away from any serious chances and when needed the Danish Buffon stepped in. It was clear that the communication in the defence had improved since last season, as all of the members spoke understandable English and didn’t get confused by Scottish sounds. Despite the huge pressure, the Vikings managed to get a few good shots and after 25 minutes of game, the friendly Canadian had a free chance 1 meter away from goal, but chose not to score and instead apologized to the keeper for putting him in that situation.
With extreme luck but well deserved, Reunited managed to bring themselves in front, after the self announced vice captain Martin Lambertsen stumbled over what appeared to be an air bubble, and left their striker alone with no chance for the Danish Buffon to stop him. Half-time 0-1.
In the second half the sun came out and a miracle happened in style with die Wunder von Bern and Denmark’s European championship in 1992. Only 7 minutes into the second half Prince Henry (better known as David) went into the air and scored a bicycle kick in style with Sibusiso Zuma’s goal against Brøndby in 2001 (YouTube it). 1-1 and Reunited seemed surprised and demotivated.
Coach Henrik also used the half-time break to sub in the two new Danish young-guns Sebastian and Daniel, of whom last mentioned reminds most people of the three lunged Makalele incapable of getting tired. These subs paid of, especially because Daniel didn’t scream as much as the Princess and the other midfielders from both teams could now take out their ear plugs. The subs paid off 20 minutes into the second half when Daniel picked up a loose ball, sidelined it to Sebastian who put a long ball into the box and the Prince took the ball down with his chest was all alone with keeper. The ice cold Nigerian first went left, so did the keeper, then he went right, so did the keeper, surprisingly the Prince went left again and the keeper went with Chris to buy a hotdog. This is the day that Prince Henry finally became King Henry.
For the rest of the game not much happened until the last thirty seconds when Saint Dragos became the saviour of the day. In an elegant attempt like the Flying Dutchman he managed to squeeze the ball away from the goal line and send it out for a corner. An attempt that, for unknown reasons, made most of the Shanghai Vikings laugh, and the devastated Renunited players smile.
On an insignificant side note, Trump was seen amongst the spectators and gave the following comment after the game, when asked about his appearance: “Well, I know how much fake news is flying around. So sad. I wanted to make sure that what I can read in the article you write is true.”